you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
