Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
