just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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