Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
