he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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