My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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