pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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