I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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