It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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