I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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