We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
