i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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