this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
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After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
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You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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