somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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