I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
