He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
