Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize