I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
