well I can't set my house on fire every night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
