so that wasnt chicken after all
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
