It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.