Apparently you make a good broom.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
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Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
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I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!