I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...