I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT