he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
His nipple licking is glorious
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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