Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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