I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
