I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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