I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
