You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
