I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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