then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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