forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
