I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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