you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
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