don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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