You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
