K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
