Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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