Quick, to the slutcave!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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