That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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