NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
