Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
