I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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