Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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