I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
