I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
