would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
