tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
