I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
