Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
