I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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