She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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