I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize