Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
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Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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