he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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