took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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