My nipple is on Facebook.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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