New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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