Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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