Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
