I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
