If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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