when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
