I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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