a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Randomize
